Silent All These Years

No time! No time! There's never any time! I'm going to let everyone down, I'll never get into Stanford!

2004-11-01T13:07:00.000-08:00

Oh, excuse me, you've caught me mid - Jesse Spano-esque breakdown. This is awkward.

Anyway, I don't have to go to work this week due to impending scantron-generated doom, and I've had a fun few days as one of those people. Man in sweats ambling down 1st Avenue at 2pm, woman walking dog on 91st Street at 10:30am, young-ish guy reading in Starbucks at 3pm,who are you? Why are you not working? And now I know. You're all crazy. I suppose when you spend weekdays browsing magazines at Barnes and Noble, you become interested in engaging in conversation with strangers who very obviously do not want to speak to you. I understand the ostracism, I too have resorted to changing study spots every few days lest the workers at Ziggie's Cafe brand me "creepy," but maybe it's time you found others like you with whom you could discuss how Kerry has this election on lockdown. Oh but you also oppose gay marriage? I totally sympathize, I can only imagine the trauma this has caused you. Poor defenseless Marriage. It is indeed time to take up arms.

2004-10-26T05:46:00.000-07:00

On Excite.com, I found a cute little rundown of my job. My favorite:
"The early exam success rate is only 25 to 30 percent. With no family, no friends, no social life, and no outside obligations of any kind, an actuarial student can complete the exams in fewer than 10 years."

Doesn't that make you just want to light yourself on fire?

In other news, I am really feeling Kerry right now. Usually closing is New York's thing (we're fighters), and there has to be some reason that that both the Red Sox and the Patriots were able to prevail and get the job done when it mattered - it's the year of Boston. (credit Sean and the 9,999,992 people who said this already). Remember the primaries? Where did this schmuck even come from?? Apparantly he knows how to pace himself - Bush left Ohio before he had it, and Kerry just swooped right in to make it a close race. Now he's going to the "I live in a state 6 times the size of New Jersey but we get 2 electoral votes, and I really just can't make up my mind whether Jesus wants me to vote for Bush or Kerry" states, while Bush is heading to Pennsylvania(!) Lost cause buddy!

Anyway, I'm feeling good. My exam is the day after the election and Kerry better not eff with my exam-taking conditions by losing.

Extreme Makeover: Bangs Edition

2004-10-21T08:40:00.000-07:00

Honestly.

At this point, the only justification for having bangs would have to involve being in a coma from 1987-present with someone on hand creepily trying to maintain your exact image, or accidentally burning the front part of your hair off while trying to light a cigarette on the stove, drunk.

And we all know the bangs-trap, once you've got 'em you either have to keep them or endure months of consecutive horrible hair days where hair literally covers half of your face and you can't see anything, OR you futily try to part them before they're ready and you bear a resemblance to a palm tree. I did have a friend that just up 'n shaved them off one day, but she kept shaving farther and farther back each time, and it got really...awkward for awhile until she was forced to cut fresh bangs to cover the fuzzy bald spot that she had created. I do not recommend.

Also, Liz Cheney is an asshole.

2004-10-17T13:18:00.000-07:00

So I have been unable to devote time to blogging due to pre-traumatic exam stress. On November 3rd at 12 noon, it will be over, I will intravenously get drunk immediately, and I can then celebrate my return to blogging by vomiting all over myself because we've re-elected chimpface. What ever happened to good 'ol presidential assassinations? Of course, it would have to be a joint presidential/vice-presidential assassination, we don't want to move backwards here. In fact, if the first 4 people in line are mass murdered, hello Colin Powell! Anyway.

Why is it that people insist on having lengthy conversations with me at Barnes & Noble? Does my 4x4 foot spread of study materials look inviting? Maybe it's the multiple calculators I'm using and not looking up from when you begin conversation. Perhaps the fact that I'm studying at 9am on a Sunday screams "Talk to me, I have nothing better to do and I would, in fact, appreciate extending the length of time I have to be here before I can go home. Christopher Reeve died, you say? Oh, I would LOVE to discuss. Yes, I do feel badly for his wife, she is a good soul."

Indeed, I feel I may have contributed to a crime this morning after I ignored an extremely bored and apparantly crazy individual's comments on the weather until she resorted to drawing horns on every member of the Bush family in a copy of Kitty Kelly's book. Yeah, I mean, that's basically public property - feel free to rip some pages out while you're at it.

In other I'm-studying-leave-me-the-fuck-alone news, it turns out I'm not interested in talking about your accounting class, and "Can I get you a drink?" should not, under any circumstances, be used outside of a bar. I'm good on coffee, thanks.

I am stressed.

This blog reminds me of a bunny I received in 6th grade.

2004-09-27T10:12:00.000-07:00

Despite a blatant hatred of ugly animals on the street, I have a soft spot for ugly animals waiting to be bought for pocket change at Selmer's Pet Land. Exhibit A: When I decided to get a guinea pig, I sat back and observed others as they pointed at and commented on the g.p. selection. When one began to emerge from the pack as "ugly" and "ew" and "Mommy, does the devil live in that guinea pig, its eyes are burning through me" I knew I had found my new pet. Similarly, while I purchased what appeared to be genetically-decent hamsters, they went on to breed overweight ugly hipster hamsters that were only interested in eating each other and scoping out my parents' old vinyl. Anyway, I bought a rabbit in a similar fashion (and, I know, you're thinking these are hick pet choices, but really my dad's just allergic to more traditional animals, and while it's water under the bridge if a hamster is electrocuted while gnawing away at Sgt.Peppers [part of record collection located under tv], it would be a big deal if it was a cat.)

I'm going somewhere with this. The rabbit's ears were asymmetrical and I was a little unsure about how she would fit into the family, especially after the family's last rabbits were eaten late one night by raccoons. But I found myself obsessed with her. She was so cute and small and no one else had a rabbit. I found her imperfections charming. And then people told me their bunny stories and then we had to move her cage outside and the hype died down and I gradually lost interest. The bunny no longer had anything new to offer me, and all I had to offer the bunny were the gross leafy weeds she so enjoyed. Of course, I had always fed her weeds, but now I had to walk through the backyard full of flowers and grass and plants to feed them to her and I realized that although my offerings were as expected, they were sparse nonetheless.

Also, I don't really have that much time to write this anymore.

And man, a lot of B-level pets have died at the hands of my family.

"No question is so difficult to answer as that to which the answer is obvious." - G.B. Shaw

2004-09-13T13:11:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: This post is more of an angry diary post, like a letter that you write to your (ex) significant other but never mean to send, but then your mom rifles through your things, finds it, and keeps it on her bedside table for nighttime reading. Oh wait, that's just me.

I haven't posted in awhile, and I don't even necessarily have anything important to say, and I've actually come to derive more enjoyment from reading blogs than from typing up my undereducated opinion for 3 or 4 people, but I'm writing because today is the first day ballots are being sent out, and it looks as though we're in for another Dubya term, and I'm really fucking pissed at John Kerry. And I'm pissed at Howard Dean, and at Al Gore because for all their fancy-pants educations and ketchup fortunes they have absolutely no idea how the average brain of the average American works. (Although Howard Dean was just appealing to the wrong party in that vein).

Kerry's biggest weakness at this point is that you have to be mildly intelligent to understand his policies (not that they are without flaws). Seriously, if I hear one more person say that Kerry and Bush have the same stance on Iraq and that Kerry said he would have done exactly what Bush did, I'm going to throw up on my useless New York ballot, seal it up, and send it out. He said that (if given the opportunity to travel back in time) he would not retract his vote to give power and discretion to the president to act in a forceful manner if need absolutely be. It's just that the president is a douchebag, which he probably should have factored into his decision.

I watch cable news almost every day, and I hear about nothing but Bush. Every panelist discussion basically consists of one person hating on him and another person defending him, and the show leaves off with a lukewarm feeling about him. I only ever hear about Kerry when Democrats mention that he needs to fight back harder. Dude, you cannot just be the anti-Bush, you have to be something. Bush is completely running the show - at best, Kerry will respond to something he says - he never bases anything on himself, his policies. You can just see a college-aged Bush and Kerry rushing the same frat - nobody cares that Bush punched you and then did a line of coke off of your Burberry man-bag, and you telling on him isn't going to make the brothers like you more. They're going to choose him instead because you're a pussy.

It is absolutely astonishing that anyone would vote for W now, knowing that he will lie to the country and send people off to their deaths for his own personal gain. I can't wait until my daughter reads about this in her history books and asks what the hell people were thinking, and I can say, "I don't know darling, but that was before the Lizard King took power anyway. Go figure."

Rant over.

Happy September!

2004-09-01T13:19:00.000-07:00

I welcome the Fall, as it includes hot-weather relief, Halloween, my birthday, the "Wow, we've been dating for far too long" 5 year anniversary (or is 5 "Silver", I forget?), and I would normally list Tv Season Premieres here, but the shows I religiously watch are all either on HBO (and over, or almost) or starting in January (!) Jenny, you've let me down. I'm sure I will fill my nights watching MTV True Life's, shouting into the other room "Sean, you won't believe how [fat/monkey-faced/diseased/lacking in appendages] this person is!"

So obviously the RNC is doing its best to exploit September 11th, but is anyone with me that it's sort of overshadowing it instead? It's almost like they're afraid to explicitly exploit it, so all coverage that would otherwise independently be devoted to it on, say, FoxNews, has been diverted away to the convention. That has a rather ironic effect. I didn't realize there were monopoly rights on 9/11, but obviously now it is only to be used as a tool to reference W's great leadership abilities. Glad that worked out for ya, ol' boy.

WSOP was so good last night. Whenever a pro player cries, the sky over my apartment gets a little bit bluer, the birds chirp just a little bit louder, and the homeless ask for just a little bit less money.

Pathos confirmed.

2004-08-28T14:33:00.000-07:00

Oh crap - you can actually pinpoint the exact moment that I became obsessed. Ted Leo's #1 in his Top 5 is Borat's Guide to America. We're meant for each other. "You like pizza? I like pizza! Puppies? ME TOO!" Sean, is he eligible for my list of celebs I'm allowed to have my way with should the opportunity arise, or does he need to be on Friends or something first?

What's that? Write more about Ted? Well, okay, if you insist...

2004-08-26T11:28:00.000-07:00

I don't know how the man does it. I mean, how many times could one man go to really small bars full of people that love him, and handle being the aloof center of attention that everyone casually allows and simultaneously disturbs? Since I officially follow the man around everywhere, I'm sort of over staring at him and I've taken to observing others' reactions to him. There's three types of reactions, always:

1.) "H-hi, I just wanted to shake your hand, I'll go away now." (not only have I said almost this exact line, I hear it always as an unoriginal attempt to be original).
2.) "Hey! This album is great! Let me talk to you for 45 minutes about things that I think you'd be interested in, because although I work a meaningless job I am well schooled in all things indie rock and I am interesting, dammit!"
3.) "heyyy, oh! my! god! this is awesome!! wow!!! you're here, that's crazy!" (always a girl, obvious)

But people always wind up saying something, because he's so unassuming that at the very least you have to excuse yourself past him to get to the bar. "Me and Mia" rocks. That is all.

Take Your Party Elsewhere

2004-08-23T10:32:00.000-07:00

How cute is this shirt? I'm thinking about getting politically active for the impending RNC invasion, but only if I can wear cute pink tops and "I Only Sleep With Democrats" buttons. I am also considering selling out for discounted chain-restaurant food. More on this later.

Teddy is having his record release party at Hi Fi, which supposedly has the largest mp3 jukebox in all the land, on Wednesday, and you know I can't pass up any opportunity to stalk him.

Entourage was absolutely fabulous last night! I might even consider saying that I could possibly have enjoyed it more than Ali G. Don't throw things. Jeremy Piven's character is just the best tv character ever. He's the perfect combination of a slickster and a guy who gets shit on. You don't really expect him to come out on top but he does, and in hilarious fashion I might add.

Six Feet Under is remaining solid with some safe episodes after that freakazoid hitchhiking episode, and Claire has emerged as the most interesting character of late. I guess anyone doing that many drugs should be interesting, but you can still see the dork in her, trying to sleep with Seth Green in a dirty bathroom.

"And the Jew comes with the claw...": like you couldn't see this coming a mile away - I'm actually surprised that he doesn't catch more flack for his shows, and I am completely shocked that he hasn't been assaulted, especially when playing Bruno. The homophobic wrestlers looked pretty close to taking some action last night.

Large bunnies, underrated writers

2004-08-17T10:29:00.000-07:00

I watched Donnie Darko for the first time last night. Kill Bill 2 was just sitting on my dvd player, begging to be played, but I just can't resist a good movie on tv - which explains my aversion to putting in any recorded movie, much like when I put a cd on in the car and I'm sure 101.1 is playing Hall & Oates' "Rich Girl" and I'm missing it. It's like when Office Space comes on Comedy Central and you get all excited and call everyone in and rearrange your plans for the night in order to watch it, even though a commercial-less copy of it is sitting on your shelf, dusty, playable at any time.

So anyway, of course as soon as Donnie Darko was over and I had finished futily trying to wrap my mind around it, I looked for more info. I guess with the director's cut out and the website and whatnot, the movie may as well be a trailer for the real movie which is completely wrapped up in that fictional book which we were barely shown any of. And so I guess it was nice to see some things explained straight from this source straight from the director about the Manipulated Dead leading Donnie on his way, and the "artifact" showing it was a 4th dimension and that Donnie had to save the world... but, I kind of hate that entire storyline. I understand that, as with Mulholland Drive, it's really just your interpretation that matters, but when the guy in charge had something different in mind it's kind of disheartening. I don't like telekinesis, and I hate the idea of the other characters being at all aware or influential in terms of the parallel universe. I like to put it all on JakeG, give the man something (Kirsten Dunst wouldn't have dumped Donnie Darko for being too "boring").

What I can't exactly wrap my head around, and I know this sounds stupid, is why this all happened in the first place. After that, I can think of things that make sense in the way that being unable to stab a rabbit from the future who's right in front of you but invisible to everyone else makes sense. It doesn't, but I can form a sentence about it that could make sense in a world of superpowers and time machines and unfashionable halloween bunny costumes. But I cannot form a sentence about why it all started. According to the book, the artifact creates this other universe, but the artifact is that piece from the plane from the future that would not have existed in order to have been sent back had it not been for this same parallel universe. If I were typing in Excel right now, the Circular Reference toolbar would pop up and discredit this.

I don't know what I'm missing and it bothers me. The only way that the movie makes sense to me is if the "Tangent Universe" is the real one, it happens, then Donnie sends the jet engine back in time but makes himself escape it, making a New Real Universe and a New Tangent one (New Real in which he's killed (as he would naturally be), New Tangent in which the bunny saves him...goes through this all again, sees that they have the same result (as Real and New Tangent (formerly Real) both cause his loved ones to die), and then goes back again and doesn't save himself.

I guess it's kind of impossible to find the root when dealing with time travel when you're starting from the beginning, or the middle, rather than the end of the loop - it's as though it has to constantly exist, and there can't be any point either beforehand or afterward. Which brings me to my favorite writer, Jorge Luis Borges (don't you love how his name rhymes?) who doesn't seem to believe in the passing of time, but rather one time, which is now, which contains everything. Most famously in "The Garden of Forking Paths," he explains the world as a labyrinth of possibilities, all of which are occuring simultaneously - we just happen to be in this one. Instead of choices closing off possibilities, they create them.

So I suppose there's no tracing that back, but if someone could, please let me in on it. For now, Borges offers: "Homer composed the Odyssey; if we postulate an infinite period of time, with infinite circumstances and changes, the impossible thing is not to compose the Odyssey, at least once."

"Yes they're buying and selling off shares of air/ and you know it's all around you but it's hard to point and say 'there'"

2004-08-03T07:46:00.000-07:00

Excuse me? It is very comforting to know that we're a mere 3 years behind unreliable intelligence. All that needs to be sorted out now is a time machine, and we can just head on over to 2007 to find out...what buildings...terrorists were thinking about targeting...but decided against. Then we can put a crazy watch on those buildings...that were never bombed anyway. Well at least I got to spend an extra hour in the car yesterday. Quality time with Doug Martsch on I-95, I can't get enough of it.

Speaking of, this may bring The Village out from faux-creepy disappointment to Animal Farm - esque relatability (an overstatement, but you get it. Unless you haven't seen the movie, in which case forget it and carry on poking your Tom Ridge voodoo doll.) Anyway, I'm actually starting to feel like we live under a dictator and I'm getting physically anxious/ill about November. I haven't felt this nervous since I had to take a penalty shot in the final game before Nationals, and this is like, (you know, I guess) a bigger deal to lose.

I missed - it's all been downhill from there. Speaking of, don't "downhill" and "uphill" mean the exact same thing in this context? When you're going downhill, your life is getting worse and worse. When you're going uphill, life is so difficult, everyone's against you. Can't win, no wonder people are all depressed and whatnot.

Also, I heard the new Kelly Clarkson song this morning. I think it's about time...maybe we can all come to some sort of agreement...that the words "wings," "fly," "clouds," and "sky" have really run their shallow courses and need to be forever retired from future songwriting. That is all.

Bush's Ties to 86th St. Cinema Revealed

2004-07-06T07:16:00.000-07:00

"This is an outrage," and "I demand a refund" could be heard from angry New Yorkers pouring out of the 86th St. Cinemas stadium that purported to be playing Fahrenheit 9/11 at 3:20 pm on Monday. I have to say, I agree. What I am about to present to you are cold, hard facts - make of them what you will.

1.) Upon arriving at the theater in the humid sweltering 90 degree heat, it appeared that a ticket line a block long had formed outside rather than inside, in the air conditioning. Sticky t-shirts and back sweat? A roadblock, for sure. A glance inside showed a woman taking apart an automated ticketing machine that would have allowed for faster, more comfortable service. A woman was fixing this machine? Doubtful.

2.) When we requested the show, we were given a stern warning: "It's going to be very cold in there." An exchange of narrowed eyes and furrowed brows followed, as though a challenge was to ensue. How cold was very cold? We would soon find out.

3.) Really fucking cold. I hope I don't look weird with my entire body wrapped into a tank top.

4.) We were shown two previews from Pixar. I thought this was a little odd, but who really knows the target audience for Fahrenheit 9/11? Well, in hindsight, I guess it's not kids who aren't allowed in. When the movie began and "Walt Disney Pictures" appeared, it seemed something was amiss. Watch check: 3:37. I, of course, assumed that we had sat down in the wrong theater, as I have a little bit of a history of that. We jumped up and left, but found that the sign on the door did, in fact, say "Fahrenheit 9/11." Suddenly the doors opened behind us, and an angry mob took shape, consisting of people who, I swear, moments earlier were enjoying buttery delights and acting like actual human beings. But it was clear - the government did not want us to see this movie, and they were taking desperate measures by threatening us with (gasp) "Around the World in 80 Days." I guess somebody had to see it.

Anyway, the man who had been sitting next to us and appeared to be on a beginning-of-the-relationship type of date where impressions are important and conclusions quick to come to, began to yell at absolutely no one, "This isn't a coincidence!" When a worker came to remedy the problem, he berated him, then yelled "yeah we'll see then movie, AND we'll get a refund. We cannot take this lying down!" When everyone was back in the theater and seated, the rage and impatience grew with every repeated commercial. One lovely emaciated old woman whose outfit consisted entirely of mesh and fake jewel alternated between yelling at the screen and yelling at the projectionist, until the rambling gave way to a final high-pitched shriek. She was not about to back down to this political conspiracy. It brought a tear to my eye. The solidarity of moviegoers, the opportunity for witty remarks (Worker: "The movie will be on in 5 minutes." Man next to me: "Your job will be lost in 5..uh..hours!" Roar of laughter) - everyone rose to the occasion, and we emerged victorious - the movie was shown. It was obvious on that day that Loews hated our freedom, but we would not walk away, not discontinue our quest for well-packaged propaganda, because that would mean they would have won. You know, there's an old saying in New Jersey, or New York...maybe new Jersey..wait, it might be China. Yeah, China. Fuck.

"Baby, you are gonna miss that plane..."

2004-07-03T18:21:00.000-07:00

Mood movies are really the only movies for me, they're the only ones that hold my attention, which is generally the problem for people who don't like them - they're "too slow," "nothing happened," "I got bored." I mean, I like a good comedy, a drama, an action film, but I think because they're all predicated on an ending, I just want the movie to get there already and I can't enjoy the moment. I'm happy, but I'm checking my watch. In a dialogue-driven movie, you're there the whole time, no waiting. It's in the moment, not the reflection on the moment - of course, the characters are mostly reflecting themselves, so that's probably why it satisfies on that level. They're already at the end of the movie, and they're sharing it. And yes, I always read the last sentence of a book first.

When Before Sunset faded out the other night, it was the first time in recent memory that I was abruptly surprised and upset that a movie was over. I still don't know if that's a good thing or not. Both the movie and its prequel are discussions and observations on new people, whirlwind ideas, instant connections, trite phrases like the ones just used, etc, that beg the question of whether this is just two people caught up in a moment or whether it's potentially a lasting connection once they see each other's imperfections, and finally, whether that question is really of note at all for all intents and purposes of their interactions. The experience of watching the movie plays out in much the same way - we get caught up in these characters, and they revisit us, and in each movie they leave us aching for more, but if they were around all the time, how special would they really be to us? To each other? I think we've all met someone who seemed perfect, but turned out far from it. What if you had been torn away after a day - you would hold them in that regard forever, and that would keep you from being completely happy with anyone. This movie is so realistic and so hopelessly romantic at the exact same time. Reflecting on that, it bothers me, but it didn't bother me then, and for all intents and purposes of movie-watching, that's all that really matters.

Sim Ilene and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

2004-06-21T08:24:00.000-07:00

In the midst of all that he's had going on lately, I'm convinced God confused me for a Sims character on Friday. My day:

Leave work early to look at apartments, arrive at upper east side apartment. Search purse: no keys (due to earlier sacrifice of memory bars to obtain JLo sunglasses for Sim). Wearing blister-happy shoes. Must begin apartment search. (Comfort: -1 bar)

Destination #1: 33rd & 5th. Walk to subway in 95 degree heat, forget to stop for lunch and/or water, begin to faint while man stops me to sell me something. Am blind for 5 seconds. (Comfort: -1 bar). Buy water (Money: -$1). Arrive at destination, obtain key to apartment. Am told I have 1 hour to get to 81st & York, look at shithole apartment, and return with key. Play sympathy card, show blisters, obtain another 2 hours. (Social: +1 bar, Money: -$20 for key deposit).

Destination #2: 54th & 2nd. Sun at sweat-inducing highest, still wearing work clothes. (Hygiene: -2 bars). Call Sean, am informed of closer subway line by taking local. Am finally happy to have selected Sim Boyfriend with high "intelligence" bars, low "polite" bars. Reach destination. (Money: -$20 for key deposit).

Destination #3: Uptown apartments. Can no longer walk in shoes without looking like a leprechaun, haven't eaten in 7 hours, light blue shirt collecting sweat stains in shape of hamburger and fries. (Hunger: -3 bars, Energy: -2 bars, Bladder: -3 bars). Must go home.

Slightly Adjusted Destination: 93rd street. Knock on Super's door, explain that I'm locked out. Super's wife shoots me death look, screams at me, then at Super, then at me. I make puppy eyes, limp around. Super agrees, gets keys, closes door. More screaming. ("Awkward" function created, max'd out with yellow bars.) Get in apartment, change clothes into cute tank top and skirt (subsequent Fun, Social: +2 bars). Walk 20 blocks to apartments that either
a.) lack a living room or
b.) are home to the ugliest flies I've ever seen.

Back downtown to drop off keys, make it with 3 minutes left. (Money: +$40, Sense of Self-Worth: annihilated).

Back uptown to apartment, now haven't eaten in 10 hours. Order pizza, drive w/friends to Philly, drink and pass out. All bars fully restored, c/o Peach Schnapps.