No time! No time! There's never any time! I'm going to let everyone down, I'll never get into Stanford!

Oh, excuse me, you've caught me mid - Jesse Spano-esque breakdown. This is awkward.

Anyway, I don't have to go to work this week due to impending scantron-generated doom, and I've had a fun few days as one of those people. Man in sweats ambling down 1st Avenue at 2pm, woman walking dog on 91st Street at 10:30am, young-ish guy reading in Starbucks at 3pm,who are you? Why are you not working? And now I know. You're all crazy. I suppose when you spend weekdays browsing magazines at Barnes and Noble, you become interested in engaging in conversation with strangers who very obviously do not want to speak to you. I understand the ostracism, I too have resorted to changing study spots every few days lest the workers at Ziggie's Cafe brand me "creepy," but maybe it's time you found others like you with whom you could discuss how Kerry has this election on lockdown. Oh but you also oppose gay marriage? I totally sympathize, I can only imagine the trauma this has caused you. Poor defenseless Marriage. It is indeed time to take up arms.

On Excite.com, I found a cute little rundown of my job. My favorite:
"The early exam success rate is only 25 to 30 percent. With no family, no friends, no social life, and no outside obligations of any kind, an actuarial student can complete the exams in fewer than 10 years."

Doesn't that make you just want to light yourself on fire?

In other news, I am really feeling Kerry right now. Usually closing is New York's thing (we're fighters), and there has to be some reason that that both the Red Sox and the Patriots were able to prevail and get the job done when it mattered - it's the year of Boston. (credit Sean and the 9,999,992 people who said this already). Remember the primaries? Where did this schmuck even come from?? Apparantly he knows how to pace himself - Bush left Ohio before he had it, and Kerry just swooped right in to make it a close race. Now he's going to the "I live in a state 6 times the size of New Jersey but we get 2 electoral votes, and I really just can't make up my mind whether Jesus wants me to vote for Bush or Kerry" states, while Bush is heading to Pennsylvania(!) Lost cause buddy!

Anyway, I'm feeling good. My exam is the day after the election and Kerry better not eff with my exam-taking conditions by losing.

Extreme Makeover: Bangs Edition

Honestly.

At this point, the only justification for having bangs would have to involve being in a coma from 1987-present with someone on hand creepily trying to maintain your exact image, or accidentally burning the front part of your hair off while trying to light a cigarette on the stove, drunk.

And we all know the bangs-trap, once you've got 'em you either have to keep them or endure months of consecutive horrible hair days where hair literally covers half of your face and you can't see anything, OR you futily try to part them before they're ready and you bear a resemblance to a palm tree. I did have a friend that just up 'n shaved them off one day, but she kept shaving farther and farther back each time, and it got really...awkward for awhile until she was forced to cut fresh bangs to cover the fuzzy bald spot that she had created. I do not recommend.

Also, Liz Cheney is an asshole.

So I have been unable to devote time to blogging due to pre-traumatic exam stress. On November 3rd at 12 noon, it will be over, I will intravenously get drunk immediately, and I can then celebrate my return to blogging by vomiting all over myself because we've re-elected chimpface. What ever happened to good 'ol presidential assassinations? Of course, it would have to be a joint presidential/vice-presidential assassination, we don't want to move backwards here. In fact, if the first 4 people in line are mass murdered, hello Colin Powell! Anyway.

Why is it that people insist on having lengthy conversations with me at Barnes & Noble? Does my 4x4 foot spread of study materials look inviting? Maybe it's the multiple calculators I'm using and not looking up from when you begin conversation. Perhaps the fact that I'm studying at 9am on a Sunday screams "Talk to me, I have nothing better to do and I would, in fact, appreciate extending the length of time I have to be here before I can go home. Christopher Reeve died, you say? Oh, I would LOVE to discuss. Yes, I do feel badly for his wife, she is a good soul."

Indeed, I feel I may have contributed to a crime this morning after I ignored an extremely bored and apparantly crazy individual's comments on the weather until she resorted to drawing horns on every member of the Bush family in a copy of Kitty Kelly's book. Yeah, I mean, that's basically public property - feel free to rip some pages out while you're at it.

In other I'm-studying-leave-me-the-fuck-alone news, it turns out I'm not interested in talking about your accounting class, and "Can I get you a drink?" should not, under any circumstances, be used outside of a bar. I'm good on coffee, thanks.

I am stressed.

This blog reminds me of a bunny I received in 6th grade.

Despite a blatant hatred of ugly animals on the street, I have a soft spot for ugly animals waiting to be bought for pocket change at Selmer's Pet Land. Exhibit A: When I decided to get a guinea pig, I sat back and observed others as they pointed at and commented on the g.p. selection. When one began to emerge from the pack as "ugly" and "ew" and "Mommy, does the devil live in that guinea pig, its eyes are burning through me" I knew I had found my new pet. Similarly, while I purchased what appeared to be genetically-decent hamsters, they went on to breed overweight ugly hipster hamsters that were only interested in eating each other and scoping out my parents' old vinyl. Anyway, I bought a rabbit in a similar fashion (and, I know, you're thinking these are hick pet choices, but really my dad's just allergic to more traditional animals, and while it's water under the bridge if a hamster is electrocuted while gnawing away at Sgt.Peppers [part of record collection located under tv], it would be a big deal if it was a cat.)

I'm going somewhere with this. The rabbit's ears were asymmetrical and I was a little unsure about how she would fit into the family, especially after the family's last rabbits were eaten late one night by raccoons. But I found myself obsessed with her. She was so cute and small and no one else had a rabbit. I found her imperfections charming. And then people told me their bunny stories and then we had to move her cage outside and the hype died down and I gradually lost interest. The bunny no longer had anything new to offer me, and all I had to offer the bunny were the gross leafy weeds she so enjoyed. Of course, I had always fed her weeds, but now I had to walk through the backyard full of flowers and grass and plants to feed them to her and I realized that although my offerings were as expected, they were sparse nonetheless.

Also, I don't really have that much time to write this anymore.

And man, a lot of B-level pets have died at the hands of my family.

"No question is so difficult to answer as that to which the answer is obvious." - G.B. Shaw

Disclaimer: This post is more of an angry diary post, like a letter that you write to your (ex) significant other but never mean to send, but then your mom rifles through your things, finds it, and keeps it on her bedside table for nighttime reading. Oh wait, that's just me.


I haven't posted in awhile, and I don't even necessarily have anything important to say, and I've actually come to derive more enjoyment from reading blogs than from typing up my undereducated opinion for 3 or 4 people, but I'm writing because today is the first day ballots are being sent out, and it looks as though we're in for another Dubya term, and I'm really fucking pissed at John Kerry. And I'm pissed at Howard Dean, and at Al Gore because for all their fancy-pants educations and ketchup fortunes they have absolutely no idea how the average brain of the average American works. (Although Howard Dean was just appealing to the wrong party in that vein).

Kerry's biggest weakness at this point is that you have to be mildly intelligent to understand his policies (not that they are without flaws). Seriously, if I hear one more person say that Kerry and Bush have the same stance on Iraq and that Kerry said he would have done exactly what Bush did, I'm going to throw up on my useless New York ballot, seal it up, and send it out. He said that (if given the opportunity to travel back in time) he would not retract his vote to give power and discretion to the president to act in a forceful manner if need absolutely be. It's just that the president is a douchebag, which he probably should have factored into his decision.

I watch cable news almost every day, and I hear about nothing but Bush. Every panelist discussion basically consists of one person hating on him and another person defending him, and the show leaves off with a lukewarm feeling about him. I only ever hear about Kerry when Democrats mention that he needs to fight back harder. Dude, you cannot just be the anti-Bush, you have to be something. Bush is completely running the show - at best, Kerry will respond to something he says - he never bases anything on himself, his policies. You can just see a college-aged Bush and Kerry rushing the same frat - nobody cares that Bush punched you and then did a line of coke off of your Burberry man-bag, and you telling on him isn't going to make the brothers like you more. They're going to choose him instead because you're a pussy.

It is absolutely astonishing that anyone would vote for W now, knowing that he will lie to the country and send people off to their deaths for his own personal gain. I can't wait until my daughter reads about this in her history books and asks what the hell people were thinking, and I can say, "I don't know darling, but that was before the Lizard King took power anyway. Go figure."

Rant over.

Happy September!

I welcome the Fall, as it includes hot-weather relief, Halloween, my birthday, the "Wow, we've been dating for far too long" 5 year anniversary (or is 5 "Silver", I forget?), and I would normally list Tv Season Premieres here, but the shows I religiously watch are all either on HBO (and over, or almost) or starting in January (!) Jenny, you've let me down. I'm sure I will fill my nights watching MTV True Life's, shouting into the other room "Sean, you won't believe how [fat/monkey-faced/diseased/lacking in appendages] this person is!"

So obviously the RNC is doing its best to exploit September 11th, but is anyone with me that it's sort of overshadowing it instead? It's almost like they're afraid to explicitly exploit it, so all coverage that would otherwise independently be devoted to it on, say, FoxNews, has been diverted away to the convention. That has a rather ironic effect. I didn't realize there were monopoly rights on 9/11, but obviously now it is only to be used as a tool to reference W's great leadership abilities. Glad that worked out for ya, ol' boy.

WSOP was so good last night. Whenever a pro player cries, the sky over my apartment gets a little bit bluer, the birds chirp just a little bit louder, and the homeless ask for just a little bit less money.